we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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