Sponge bath it is.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
