Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
