the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
