dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
