how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
