UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
