All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
