Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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