he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
