I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
