i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
