Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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