I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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