She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
