Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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