Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
