I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
