Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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