It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
