theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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