Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
