May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
