Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
