Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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