Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
