He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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