I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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