Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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