WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
