Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
