im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
