i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
