Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
