And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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