You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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