You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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