Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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