Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
