are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
