Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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