Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
