Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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