dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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