Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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