i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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