Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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