You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
