Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
