we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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